trimmjob

She's the only thing that keeps me from pulling all of my hair out on the daily. Especially this week. I should just swear off men, one day I'll actually do it, I promise. If you really loved someone you wouldn't bring masses upon masses of anxiety on them, would you? HM? I just need some new shoes to fix this. YOU KNOW WITH ALL OF MY MONEY?! I'm actually NOT stressed over money right now. WHOA! CALM DOWN! I know. It's awesome to actually feel some sort of security for the first time in MONTHS. Now if my life could just balance out altogether with that same feeling....that would just make too much sense, right?

Hop over to my new blog! I love it! It makes me happy and makes me want to use 16 exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was 17.

http://sarahtrimm.wordpress.com/


Don't fret, I'm still here too!

Well! Today was another shitty day...except this shitty day was my birthday. It actually started okay, woke up at around 10 to get ready and go shop/take back some things that I actually want to keep but can't because of my lack of funding for my life at the moment. Well, mid-routine I get a frantic call from Meagan(roommate) asking me to get the gas can and come pick her up to get gas. (annoying) So, I did it only she didn't get enough(so we thought) so we did the whole thing again to another failed attempt at reviving her tempo. Tow truck happened to pull up so I went home then had to go pick her up from the repair shop. At this point I decided to forgo shopping altogether because I still wanted to go see my Manager's newborn son before work at 4. Went to their house, oohed-ahed for an hour or so. Ate our Panera I brought over and oh my god, y'all this baby is SO perfect. He's so tiny and good and just PERFECT. I love babies. I can't wait to have one when I'm good and ready. Argh, so precious. Jason and Andi are super chill and just overall great people so I love being with them, puts me in a great mood. Had to leave to get ready for work.
THEN MY DAY WENT TO SHIT. Faaaaaaaaaaaaast. We'll just say that all the things I always thought I should have been worried about were things I should have been worried about. I guess it doesn't really matter now but it's still like a kick in the stomach. Hard. Happy fucking BIRTHDAY! Hearing that actually didn't get me in a bad mood until a few hours later but just being at work sucks my soul OUT.OF.ME. Mostly because I know what I'm capable of and being told that I'm not good enough (in a round about way) REALLY pisses me off because not only am I good enough, I'm better than you and her and him and all of you motherfuckerssl ah; BALAHFL(except Marcos) My favorite manager got fired today and that really upset me as well. She was awesome, always made sure everyone made good money, she worked her ass off, and she was just a really understanding, caring person. It makes me want to cry but I think that's just my period. OH BY THE WAY, washing my face this morning SURPRISE, SARAH THIS IS YOUR PERIOD TRYING TO SNEAK UP ON YOU BUT DAMMIT YOU'RE SO GOOD AND YOU CATCH ME EVERY TIME! Again, Happy Birthday.

This post is such a mess.





Thanks, I will.

These are the cupcakes I made for Andi's babyshower. It was long and hot, but baby shopping and babies in general just get me all excited! I actually was supposed to make chocolate AND vanilla but vanilla ended up winning because I burnt my unsweetened chocolate cubes. Oops! I bought the babies at hobby lobby, as well as the blue glitter. Everyone loved them. Simple, vanilla cake with cream cheese icing. Yum!

This! was the outfit I spoke of on the previous post. Lovely! I was literally on my way out the door when I decided to take this, hence the cell phone and (I think?) keys in hand. I also am glowing. Thanks sun.

Saved the best for last! Can't leave out my bottom half. Not to sound all cliche but these boots make me whole again. So so so so perfect.

"If you find yourself here on my side of town
I'd pray that you'd come to my door
Talk to me like you don't know what we ever fought about
Cause I don't remember anymore
I just know that she warms my heart
And knows what all my imperfections are
And she said that I was the brightest little firefly in her jar"


Work is going to be loooong and hopefully I'll make lots of money. Diana needed me to go in at 4 for her because of her other job and when she comes in at 6 I will take back over my closing section and she will go into her section 1! Fun, no?! I hope hope hoooope by some miracle of allah, siddhartha, and shiva that I make just a ridiculous stupid amount of money. We will see. Those extra 2 hours won't hurt.

I haven't really been hanging out with my work friends as much anymore because, well to put it plainly, hanging out with people that don't do anything but get off work, get fucked up in some manner, go to bed, go to work...REPEAT. As GLAMOROUS as that sounds, I'm just not down with it. As much as I bitch about being lonely a lot, I'd rather be alone than sit around in a room full of people trying to drink/smoke/(various other methods) away their miserable lives. My life is not miserable! It's fabulous and y'all just make me unhappy! STOP IT! I have actually grown to like Josh a lot. He seems to really be getting his act together and I really sincerely hope he does. He's a sweet guy when he isn't blackout drunk and he's nice to my Rizzo, they love the shit out of one another and he always takes her out and plays with her if I'm not home and him and Meg are. He's been making Meg happy again and I'm so sick of HER depression DOESN'T SHE KNOW WE BOTH CAN'T ACT THAT WAY? Goodness!

I had a sit down with Nate(bar manager) yesterday at work over my happiness in the bar and various other issues related to the bar. He's not happy because apparently he's hearing that I'm not my usual perky ALL UP IN YOUR FACE sarah. No, sorry, I'm not. I'm slightly depressed with manners outside of work and as much as I try to push that all away while AT work it all just becomes a jumbled mess of suck that is my general state of mind for the time being. SORRY. I couldn't necessarily say THAT or that the only reason I'm unhappy with the bar is that the person I work with on my only bar shifts is a fucking alcoholic and you know what you don't do? Put an alcoholic behind a BAR. She steals, she randomly disappears throughout the shifts, she is constantly on the work phone checking in on her various boyfriends, and always bitching about how much her life sucks/work sucks/the money sucks, she takes money from OUR drawer to buy pills and may or may not put it back because SURPRISE we've been short on various occasions. I double check any transaction I put into the drawer and take OUT of the drawer and I know for a fact that I do NOT fuck up drawers of all things. I can't necessarily say any of THAT either because of my managers lack of keeping their fucking mouths SHUT. It's like as soon as I tell any manager of mine something in confidence and they approach someone over it, all that person has to do is be like "WHO SAID THAT" and the manager in question will just flat out say "SARAH ANN TRIMM DO YOU WANT HER ADDRESS AND HER SSN, TOO?!" So, alas, I keep my mouth shut.

This weekend should sufficiently SUCK. People will be in town that I won't be seeing, I assume. I have to wake up early tomorrow and bake for Andi's baby shower. I also need a present. I have no money for a present. I have rent and electricity. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR BAKING AND BABIES. Ugh. :[ I think Meg and I are going halfsies on a present.



That makes me smile.

I need to go home and get ready! Mwah!

Oooh! Here it goes! So following along my same path I've been super stressed with money but I haven't really been making it any better on myself. Yesterday with my last $40 I spent $30 on a new outfit which rules. Forever 21, thank you for being a cheap haven for my depressed broke little ass. I just looked for the top with no luck but I assure you it's as fabulous as anything I would ever buy. I also bought a new belt. It's black. New opaque tights, as well. A three pack!!! Moving along, I picked up my tip out from last night and immediately went to Victoria's Secret where I bought 7 pairs of beautiful underoos for $25. RUB YOUR EYES AND READ IT AGAIN $25. They're doing some awesome special thing for me that I get 7 for $25. I suppose it's for everyone but YIP! Rizzo made sure I was down to bare minimums in the underoos department the past 5 months. It ruuuuuules. It had just come to the point where every night I just online shopped without actually buying and it drove me to tears because I DON'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SHOPPED. Ugh, right? So you see I had to put bills aside for a few more days and spend my mere pennies on fabulous things that I absolutely needed to bring me out of my perma-lull.

I've been smoking cigarettes because for 10 minutes they temporarily destress me and give me a false happy. I don't deal with stress well, my body hates me but it looks good. I've become a closet smoker because nobody likes a lady that smokes. Ugh. NOT CLASSY. I'm over it.

I want the next few months to go by really really fast but they seem to be going excruciatingly slow and excruciatingly lonely and have I mentioned that I'm so-ho-ho lonely? I WON'T GO ON BECAUSE I'M JUST GOING TO MAKE SOMEONE ANGRY BUT uhm wtf?!

Work tomorrow...I'm going to try and pull a double on Friday or Saturday or both. Oh, no.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

- Mahatma Gandhi

looonnngg drawn out siiiiiigggh

I have puffy eyes

"How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me.
Its like a book elegantly bound but in a language that you can't read, just yet."

"There are days when outside your window, I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective when we'll be lovers, lovers at last. "

" You reject my advances and desperate plea. I won't let you let me down so easily. So easily"


Ben Gibbard will forever be my number one. He knows how to make me feel all warm and fuzzy and like shit at the same time. Thanks dude, thaanks.



I feel like cuddling. I'll make due with my dog for the time beeeeing. :[
I NEED ATTENTION! AND LOVE! and you know...that stuff.

I just realized that it was 9/11. I was on facebook earlier I guess when it turned 12 and I saw this video someone had posted that said "Never Forget....blah...blah" I don't really remember but I was all "Really, dude?" and hid it. Because you can do those types of fancy things on Facebook. It didn't even click. I just got on Perez Hilton because I had not checked it all day(look at me go) and it said Remember 9/11 and I was all "OH! I'm such a bitch!" It really just depresses me so I do my best(obviously) to not think about it. I'm already all sad and perma-pmsy as it is without all of the rememberance of being in 6th grade and weepy over all the people crying because their daddy's and such died. No, thank you, I say! NOTHANKYOUREALLY.
I feel a lot more motivated this semester than the last. Anything is better than how I was last semester, right? My head was not on right or something of the sort. It was just a 6 month period of a downward spiral of suck and hating myself for other things rather than worrying about my schooling I was worried about people and feelings and my cramps. They are top priority, okay?! I think doing 9 hours this semester and all mid to late afternoon classes really help with that, as well. When I wake up and am able to get ready for the day and look pretty, I feel so much better about myself. My US history teacher has this awfulamazing accent being that he's from Romania and all. The boy that sits next to me most days sits there and snickers at him all class period and attempts to say things to me under his breath making fun of Stir(prof. name) and I'm usually all "Excuse me sir I'm trying to learn about the pilgrims could you stop being tacky?" but today Stir said "Coooca coooola" and I lost it. Now, just to fill you in on some shit....I SIT DEAD CENTER IN THE FRONT  because if I do not I will absolutely not pay any attention and will draw and daydream about sexy times and what not because that's the kind of person I am YOU JUDGE AWAY WITH YOUR JUDGEY JUDGERTON EYES but he stands directly in front of me at ALL time with his leg up on a chair in his power stance. He said "coooca cooola" 15 times back to back with such a gleam in his eyes you would think he made the damn drink I don't even know what he was referring to and why he felt the need to say it so many times but he did and I could not function. I had to just look down and think about how badly I wanted a sandwich because otherwise I would have embarrassed myself even more. WELL GOOD THING I WAS THINKING ABOUT SANDWICHES because after that he went on to talk about "hambooogurs" I wanted to stand up and scream "STIR STOP IT" but he continued with his "coooca coooolas" and his "hamboooguurrss" If you have never heard a romanian say those two things I suggest you find one and force them to say it in a room full of people trying to pay attention to this map about the pilgrims and you just try not to laugh. I thought I was above it. Turns out nobody is. (because I'm not, duh.) After class the boy that sits next to me and I both got up to turn in our papers and leave and I told him he needed to stop all of that because it's going to make me a lunatic. I CANNOT HOLD BACK LAUGHTER. I snort. End of story. My math teacher is real lame and not funny but has funny hair so at least she has that going for her right? Then again, she's a math teacher they're required to be about as cool as realizing you can spell 80085 in your calculator.

Today was a complete bust. Class wasn't bad in either class but between class and work and conversations and feelings and my head were just awful. On top of that it RAINED. ON ME! I have like $50 bucks to my name. I have about $380 worth of bills that need to be paid in just a few days. I'll make it but I'll be stressed along the way. Hmph. All of my sad depressing feelings could not have come at a better time. THANKS, Y'ALL.

Well, I'm home! I'm very tired so we'll make this short. I won't lie, this weekend sucked for the most part. I won't go into detail because it bores me but it's all good now and I suppose that's all that matters, right?! The real reason I went down there was for this wedding and it was beautiful! Everything else doesn't really matter anymore and I'm just going to try and forget all of that mess a move forward! Good attitude! Anyway, here are some pleasant pictures from the wedding:

Obviously I was planning how I would conquer Billy(Lance's Dad) in this picture. Hair's fucked at this point. Mm! (GET AT THAT CAKE, LP!)

Look! Here we actually look like we enjoy each others company, Lance! hahahahahha I kiddd! That smile looks forced Lance Perkins, and I don't appreciate it!
We looked so fly that when we got there the woman setting up the chairs and tables and such asked "Oh, hey guys! Are yall the Bride and Groom?!" "Uhmm...no." I'll give Lance credit for the whole looking fly thing because of his fabulous suit. Like I really even needed to say that, he already knows. Vomit.

The house they held it all at was so pretty and the yard was even better! I wish I had pictures of that, I'm sure I'll be getting more pictures soon enough and I will share because that is what I do best.

In other news! My phone is fucked! I forgot my charger on Friday night and as soon as I stepped off of the plane I called my Dad to tell him that I had made it there then proceeded to call Meg because she asked me to but that's about when my phone died and I realized I was lacking a charger. I guess that's what I get for being slightly drunk-esque while packing. My phone died died the next day because blackberry's are lame like this. It won't let you call out or anything but it's able to stay on for an extra day just to make sure you know you can't call anyone or anything. I got home and now it won't charge. I'm assuming there is something wrong with the actual battery. Ick. Practically a brand new phone. I'm so annoyed. Oh well. I didn't realize how late it was! I need sleep in my life. Alabama football made me stay up too late.

I think my birth control is making me a crazy person. Seriously. I've been so moody, sad, nostalgic and just all around weepy. It's been awful! Not to mention I had the longest period I've ever had while on it the first week. ICK! It was miserable but when am I not when I'm on my period? I can't complain about it enough. I'm sure you're all aware. All day I've been so unenthusiastic about the rest of this week and my upcoming weekend in Alabama. I feel a bit better about it after this evening but well I guess but nothing. I guess I'm pretty pumped still.I think weddings are great. I bet it's going to be gorrrgeous. It's only Tuesday SO WE'LL SEE! I know I told you all this a while ago but I made a new blog that I intend on starting ANY day now hahah it won't be as personal and it won't be on LJ. I'm all about wordpress these days. There is nothing there now...it's just blank but it's something I'm really excited about and I will for sure give you the link to that shits when it's up and running! It is so late and I am getting a little tired and mopey. Night!

There is NOTHING...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like coming home from work after a disappointing night to my puppy who is nothing less than THRILLED to see me like she hasn't seen me in years and for the apartment to be empty. NOTHING. OH GOD I LOVE IT. I'm about to cleeeeean sweep dishes oh and did I mention clean? Hang clothes? Ugh, right? One week. Just ooonnnee week, Sarah. Try to remain sane? Probably won't happen because I'm the most irritable girl in the world. I'm convinced of it. This period of mine has felt like it has lasted FOREVER. This whole past week has lasted FOREVER. It was a miserable one for me. I really hope this new birth control helps with all of my lady issues. I'm a completely different person one week out of the month, sometimes longer. It's UGLY. No school tomorrow! It really wouldn't bother me if I did. I generally LOVE all of my classes. All three. Heh.

I've lost a decent amount of confidence in myself in the past 2 months. Don't get me wrong, I'm still super impressed with myself. Heh. I think I'm going to cut the whole fish/shrimp thing out of my diet again. I've been Pescatarian for about 2 months and I've had health issues the past 2 months that I did not have when I was a vegetarian. Maybe just a coincidence but I don't really care enough about the fish/shrimp to keep on with it. I'll probably be a lot more strict with the vegetarianism this time around. I need to get 100% healthy. I'm going to start exercising again tomorrow. :] my jeans are getting tighter and that is how I gauge when I need to lose 5 lbs at least. 100% means only water...no more being the sweet tea queen for myself and all of my friends. That's the only reason they like me. That will be seriously difficult, though. Eh.

I don't care to make much of anything private. I'm such an emotional rollercoaster. Damn you bc. I'm not going to have a period because of all of this, this month. UGH. So I'm all:


"Hold on to your fucking hat."

baaaaahahahha that's the only thing that has made me laugh or smile the past 7 hours. Work was fucking KILLER tonight. In an awful way. I came into work in a fairly decent mood. I went into the bathroom to redo my hair and as I was walking out I ran into Persis. Talk about awkward? I have a momentary freakout because she was waiting on a party of 7 and I didn't know who was involved in said party. Luckily, it wasn't anyone else to make me feel too awkward so it was okay. That sort of set the mood for the remainder of the night and I'm not sure why. Hmph. I had 3 different tables that were sat at the exact same time...one was a 6 top of "veggies" I hate hate HATE when waiters discriminate against people. It's always been something that just makes me irate but I'm using the term because everyone knows what I mean when I say that. (if you've ever waited tables, that it.) Each person wanted their own bowl of creamy jalapeno. Each person had a specific ice requirement in their drink, they all wanted their own thing of tortillas and butter to tortilla ratio to be spot on, and they all shared an appetizer of nachos. Excuse me a HALF order which is 4 nachos...for 6 people. Adults. HUH? They took 25 minutes before they even placed their FUCKED up order. 1/2 order of enchiladas with refriend beans, pico, and light cheese inside. 5 orders of that. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING ME, BITCH? I almost said it. One of them tried to order veggie mix quesadillas and take certain things out of the veggie mix which I promptly said back "YOU CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING OUT OF THE VEGGIE MIX!" and he was all"OKAY JUST GET ME THE SAME THING THEY ORDERED.UGH!" They tipped me 5 on 41. I'm surprised I even got that. At the same time of getting sat with them I was sat with this family that has never been to Chuy's before. Soooo, you have to do the whole schpiel with them AND we're doing the Green Chile Festival right now so I had to explain ALL of that too. While making suggestions and explaining the menu and blah blah blah it takes a long time and normally I'm so happy to do it because if you know me you know I looooove talking. More so to strangers. BUT! I was sat yet again and if they just weren't the most impossible two people on the face of the planet. I thought I was indecisive. They changed at least one thing every time they put in an order for anything causing me to run back and forth and baccccck and fooorrrth "no boom boom can I change it to queso instead?" "can you find out how long creamy stays good in the fridge?" "can you put in an order for a steak burrito?"(five minutes later)..."Make it togo and can you change it to refriend beans?" "Can we get a tres leches?" bring it out "Oh, can we get it togo instead?" "He decided he would show up to eat his steak burrito can you get him a sprite?" Exhausting, disheartening night.

Immediately after work I HAD to go buy some things and spend all of the money I made tonight and my tipout from last night doing so. I just want to cry.

This is all getting so so old.


I need some excitement in my life.

Annoying, right?

I love. $68

Recuerdo Corazón $92

Wolf Ring I want the second most $106
Lance, could I borrow your wolf shirt to match this ring? Thanks. ANYONE COULD TOTALLY BUY ME THIS RING AND I'D BE OBSESSED WITH YOU AND ONLY WEIRDED OUT FOR 20 MINUTES.

Key Ring $78

I'm so obsessed. So my birthday's in 2 months.

I can't find any dresses for this damn wedding. Cassan and I went today for a few hours and there were some reeaaallly cute dresses but nothing that Lance would have deemed worthy because they weren't DRESSY enough. In other news I can't peel my eyes off of Forever 21's dress area and such! Again, you could totally buy me these and I wouldn't EVEN be weirded out. I may stalk you in hopes of more dresses. Like a little fashionable puppy!:









ALL SO PRETTY. Can I have $300 to blow, please?

You know what makes me angry?

"8 hours community service
6 hour long alcohol abuse class
3 AA meetings
5 page hand written paper on alcohol and underage drinking
interview a cop
pay $264 dollars



all that for seriously drinking half a fuckin beer cuz the cops came like seriously 2 minutes after the beer got there"

YOU'RE 19 YEARS OLD.
Of-fucking-COURSE you got all of that just for "drinking half a fuckin beer cuz the cops came like seriously 2 minutes after the beer got there"

How can you be mad about it? You realize it's illegal.
I hate that whole group of people.
I can NOT believe I associated myself with them even for the short amount of time that it was.

Me getting angry about that probably means I'm ACTUALLY angry about something else, according to Freud.

I'm studying for Psychology, can you tell?